


Somewhere It Was Different

by danveresque



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Alternate Universe, Infinite Possibilities, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-08-13
Packaged: 2020-08-20 07:22:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20224018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danveresque/pseuds/danveresque
Summary: It doesn't always have to end that way.





	1. Prison Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is no escape. Just the waiting game.

“What’s your name then?”

“Robert. Robert Sugden.” He said it calmly, without thrusting his chest out like some ape. If he was going to survive here, he needed to know what the best way was going to be. Strength was definitely an advantage. But brains were likely to come in handy too. “You?”

“Brian Hardy,” his cell mate told him.

“It’s a pleasure, Brian Hardy. That my bunk?” Robert asked. Brian frowned at him, but nodded. It was a blessing Robert was getting the top bunk. If the bunks ever broke, he was unlikely to survive Brian landing on top of him: he looked like a bulldog, his head devoid of hair, barrel chested , with thick tattooed arms. Brian was about to become a good mate whether he knew it or not. “So, what you in for then, Brian? Let me guess, corporate fraud?”

“You what?” Brian said, prickling. Remember, Robert told himself, best mates. “Trying to be funny?”

Robert put on a faux innocent look_. _“Uh, no, mate. I just happened to read about a bloke with your name going down for embezzlement. Thought it might be you. No offense. Who’s that in the picture?”

Brian looked at the photograph being pointed at on the wall. He seemed to soften a bit. “That’s my wife. Cath.”

“Seems nice,” Robert said. Brian looked down at the band on Robert’s finger. He’d decided it was going to stay. Robert held his finger up. “Had a wife. She left. Have a son though. With her sister. Status: complicated.”

“That right?” Brian was staring at him as if he was mad. “What you in for then?”

“Put a scumbag in a coma for raping my sister if you must know,” Robert said.

Funny thing about the combination of those words was that they were like a spell, conjuring anger immediately to the surface. For a moment, he couldn’t care less if the first thing he did here was get into a ruck. Brian however seemed as if he wasn’t going to broach a conversation on the topic of Robert’s internment.

“Unfortunately, he woke up and was able to testify against me. What about you?”

“Armed robbery,” Brian said, still looking like he was trying to figure Robert out.

Robert pointedly looked at Brian’s bulging biceps. Nodding, he said, “That would have been my second guess.”

## *

“What happened to your face?” Aaron asked from across the table.

“Just making friends,” Robert said as he motioned to the black eye. A pinched look appeared on Aaron’s face. Robert grinned and added, unnecessarily loud, “Don’t worry, mate. I gave as good as I got.”

Aaron nodded, his smile so forced it made Robert’s face hurt. “Um, read the letters yeah?”

Robert nodded. It was easier to hide away everything they wanted to say into a piece of paper. Aaron signed his letters of with a simple _A. _Some prick had found Robert’s stash of letters once, made cooing noises as he read excerpts.

_Rob, I can’t wait for you to come home. Oooh, la-di-da. She’s gagging for it, mate, this A._

Robert had wanted to fling himself at the moron, break his neck. He’d grinned instead, laughing, not moving, just holding his hand out. _You’re just jealous, mate._

The letter got another once over, but him and Aaron kept it simple. Aaron talked about the village, about family. About their home. He told Robert he missed him, he loved him. He was waiting for him. It wasn’t long before the letter was tossed back at him, too boring as entertainment.

“Yeah, of course,” Robert said with a nod. “How is Liv?”

“Good. She’s gonna visit next week,” Aaron said. “Vic and her are gonna come down together.”

“I can pump them for some proper information. All the stuff you’re not telling me.” Aaron’s jaw clenched, and Robert saw the bob of his Adam’s apple, the flare of his nostrils. Quietly, Robert implored, “Aaron.”

Aaron gave the room a quick look and schooled his face, mumbling, “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Robert said, lowering his voice and lifting his hand to scratch his cheek as he quietly said, “I quite like it when you look all mardy.”

Aaron looked surprised, eyes widening a little. Then a smile, and a huff of laughter. It was like breathing in fresh air, that moment of happiness on Aaron’s face. _That’ll do_, Robert thought, _that’ll keep me going for a bit. _

## *

“Fucking ponce!”

That was the last thing Robert remembered when he woke, that and possibly a fist travel towards his face. It hadn’t been his best moment. To be fair though, he’d mostly managed to evade severe violence. He’d made the right acquaintances, slipped the right contraband to the wrong kind of people, and managed not to piss off the small-brained alphas who thought being king in a prison was something worth wanting.

Of course, then there were absolute psychos who just wanted violence, and they honed in anyone who was different, or weak, or made them loathe themselves for reason. Robert reckoned he was getting a beating for using too long sentences with this particular nutter. It was a new inmate who took an instant dislike to Robert. If it hadn’t been for Brian, Robert would have suffered more than just a week in a hospital bed.

The nurses were nice though, so there was that.

## *

“Thing is, these lot in here, they’re just thugs,” Brian complained one night.

Robert lay in his bunk, curled up on his side, trying to remember what it felt like to have Aaron next to him. He felt overwhelmed. It happened sometimes, especially at night. Lying there wearing prison clothes, on prison blankets and pillows, he’d feel a shudder of hopelessness. Sleepless nights weren’t new to him, but here Aaron didn’t spoon up behind him, pull him close. It was hard, closing his eyes and trying to imagine the warmth of Aaron’s breath on his neck, the weight of his arms. He had to clench his jaw to stifle the sound that was building in his chest, threatening to erupt. He swallowed it down and just listened to Brian’s voice full of deep disappointment.

“There’s no honour code anymore. Nicking phones off kids, battering old people in their homes,” Brian said, thoughtful and quiet. “No artistry.”

Robert smiled. Brian was as deep as he was solid. He couldn’t help but comment, “Armed robbery on the other hand-”

“Nobody got hurt. No one was going to get hurt,” Brian said. He let out a laugh then. “You know who they should lock up? The bastards who own the banks. I didn’t hurt anyone. Just took a bit of money is all.”

Robert frowned, smiling a little. “Pity your mates ran off with it to wherever. Didn’t even get to spend it.”

Brian was quiet for a bit. “Yeah. Pity.”

## *

“How is he?” Robert asked, ignoring the pain of his split lip, as well as the way Chas couldn’t stop staring at it.

She snapped herself out of her staring, eyeing the room full of other prisoners. Shaking her head she said, “He’s fine...he just...he just overdid the running a bit.”

Robert sank back in his chair, jaw clenching. He took a moment to compose himself before leaning in and telling Chas, “You were meant to be looking out for him.”

“It’s easier said than done,” she said quietly.

“Well, how is he? He’s not here, so I’m going to assume the worst,” Robert told her.

“He got dehydrated. Spent a night in A&E,” Chas said. Robert opened his mouth to flip out, but she cut him off, “and he’s at home now miserable because he’s figured out there’s a rota for keeping an eye on him.”

“Cain and Paddy on it?” Robert asked. Chas nodded. “Good, he’ll hate that. Tell him I said that.”

Chas smiled, her chin dimpling. Nodding, she said, “Don’t you worry, love, I’ll tell him whatever you want.”

“I love him,” Robert said with a nod, eyes filling with tears, the composure of his face threatening to collapse. “And I miss him. And I can’t wait to get out and be with him again. Tell him I said that.”

Chas leaned forward, grabbing his hand and squeezing. She nodded, sharp and frantic, her eyes glistening. Robert’s gaze flicked to everyone around him as he stiffened and straightened, the mask back in place.

## *

Robert hit the wall hard, staying where he was held up, the taste of blood in his mouth. The newest thug on the block leaned in and gritted his teeth, hissing, “I know queer when I see it.”

“Why’s that then? Fancy me, do ya?” Robert asked with a bloody grin. He heard snorts of laughter from spectators. That was a good sign.

“Faggot,” he got as a response.

Robert laughed, shaking his head. “For the millionth time. I’m not gay. But if I was, I wouldn’t touch you with a barge pole, mate.”

“You what?” his attacker sneered.

“You heard what he said.”

Robert relaxed somewhat, his attacker looking scandalized by the interruption. He turned around to throw his fists at someone other than Robert, only to see Brian who at any given time looked seven feet tall and seven feet wide, purely through attitude more than anything else.

“Listen, mate, I got no problem with you,” Brian was told by the territorial prick of the month.

Brian leaned and said, “Yeah, well, I’ve got a problem with you.”

“Go on, Hardman!” someone yelled. That seemed enough for Robert’s challenger to change his mind.

Robert peeled himself off the wall and muttered, “Low rent Eminem. I’m embarrassed for him.”

Brian stared at him as if he was an idiot. “You know, you wouldn’t have so many people wanting a go at you if you kept that gob shut.”

Robert, sensing a small opportunity for freedom, grinned at the people still surrounding them and said, “Steady on. You’re beginning to sound like my husband.”

They all laughed because ha ha he was pretending to be gay. Meanwhile, Robert felt a swell of something in his chest at the words _my husband _being spoken out loud in this place. It felt like freedom.

## *

Four years. That was the sentence that had been handed out, reduced to three on appeal. It was a first time offense and Robert turned up to court looking more respectable than the judge, somehow remaining calm all the way through, as well as on the angelic and remorseful side. Three years was still devastating, but it wasn’t life. And then half-way through the sentence out Robert came on license.

Aaron was there, waiting for him, wearing the same expression he had on the day Robert was locked up. He looked tired. Fragile. He had walked part way towards Robert and then just stopped, looking overcome, his eyes filled with tears, mouth twisted in an unhappy grimace. Robert went to him in lengthy strides, gathering him into a hug.

## *

“I love you so much. You have no idea how much I missed you.”

Aaron laughed, the sound coming deep from his chest, happy and tickled. “Thanks a lot.”

Robert held onto the steering wheel of his car, giving Aaron an incredulous look. “Well, I still got to see you, but this is the first time I’ve touched this car in one and half years.”

Aaron shook his head, nowhere as disappointed as he was trying to make out. Still, Robert leaned towards him, cupping the back of his neck. “Missed you the most though.”

Aaron, always one to wear his heart on his sleeve, stared back with shining eyes. He managed a small smile though, before nodding to their home. “You ready then?”

He _was _ready. He was ready for anything outside those prison walls. They walked into The Mill together to a waiting crowd that yelled ‘welcome home!’. It was the first time anyone had welcomed him anywhere. It left him quiet and stunned. Aaron squeezed his hand, bringing him back.

Vic came over and immediately plonked his niece in his arms. She was cute. Robert couldn’t help but grin at her, telling Aaron, “Okay. I wasn’t ready.”

Aaron smiled, stroking Robert’s back, before telling him without any ceremony, “Vic and Billy are dating by the way.”

Niece forgotten, Robert stared at Aaron. “So not ready.”

“Yeah, there’s a lot we’ve been holding back,” Aaron said with a shrug. Robert stared at him, shaking his head, before a grin broke out across his face. Aaron looked like Aaron again, like he was the one who had just been freed. “What you staring at?”

“My husband,” Robert said. Another smile spread across Aaron’s face and Robert thought nothing of squashing their pink-frilled niece between them as he stole another kiss.

The party carried on late into the night. It was flattering that so many people felt Robert’s release warranted a shindig into the almost early hours of the morning. It was around two that Vic found Robert, took his hand, and pulled him along until they were in a quiet corner of the kitchen.

“Um, there’s something I wanted to tell you,” she said looking nervous. Robert nodded, waiting. “I didn’t want anyone to tell you while you were inside because I just wanted you to be thinking about getting out.”

“What is it? Something wrong?” Robert asked.

She swallowed, smiling. “No. Something right for a change. Police have been in touch. Looks like Lee’s been charged. He...what he did to me, he’s done it to someone else. Only, she went straight to the police and reported him. There’s another woman who’s come forward too, someone who used to work with him. She saw those posters you put up, said it’s been in her head since. When she heard about Lee being charged, finally made her come forward too. They, um, they reopened my case too, not that it’ll come to anything. But as long as someone gets justice, it’s enough.”

Robert turned the words over in his head before pulling Vic into a tight hug. He didn’t say anything, just held her.

## *

Brian walked into the common room immediately spotting the new face. Bloke had slimy written all over his face. Someone would slap that look off soon enough. Brian turned to Garry, the man who knew everything. “Who’s that then?”

“You ain’t met him? Been here a week, mate. That’s Lee Posner. Don’t know what he’s done yet. Keeping it close to his chest like.”

Brian nodded thoughtfully. “Lee Posner. I know that name.”

“Yeah?”

“That’s the bloke Sugden battered,” Brian said.

Garry took a longer look, smiling in Lee’s direction. “You heard from him?”

“Yeah. Did me a few favours. Took a message to Cath for me,” Brian said.

“Nice message was it?” Garry asked. “Dig up some crisp fifties for her did he?”

Brian gave Garry a look of warning, before looking back at Lee. Blokes like him, they were the worst sort. Pathetic, he thought. There wasn’t much difference between them and kiddy fiddlers. It was all about the same thing, getting off on being stronger than someone else.

“Got a feeling he ain’t gonna be popular here,” Brian decided.


	2. Prison Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert returns from being on the run.

Aaron should have known something was up the second Cain saw him and stopped short, eyes widening just a little. Aaron scowled at him. “What?”

“Uh...” Cain said, stopping with a sigh. He scratched at his neck, grimacing before nodding in the direction of his car. “Look, I need you to come with me.”

“Where?” Aaron asked.

“I can’t say,” Cain said with a shrug.

Aaron snorted, laughing. “Uh. No.”

“Aaron-”

“Forget it,” Aaron said, still laughing as he walked away. He loved his family, he really did, but he’d already had a long day and he wasn’t ending it with Dingle drama.

Only then he heard the screech of tires. He turned and looked at Cain’s car, the boot wide open, and Cain walking around the car towards him. Realisation dawned _immediately. _

“_Cain-”_ Aaron started object.

The rest was darkness. The kind found inside the boot of Cain’s car.

## *

Aaron was freaking out. Not because he was in the boot of Cain’s car, but because his gut was telling him there was something out there about to turn his world upside down again, and he couldn’t handle it, not after everything that had already happened.

The car stopped, after a far too long and bumpy ride. They were off the road somewhere, hilly and trackless. The boot opened and Cain gave him a sympathetic look. Aaron climbed out, swatting Cain’s hand away when he stumbled. They were in the middle of woodland and up ahead was the kind of cabin horror movies were made about. Cain nodded towards it.

Aaron shook his head, his voice thick when he objected. “No. You take me back to Emmerdale _right_ now, Cain. I mean it.”

“Aaron,” Cain said, his voice too soft. “Go will ya?”

“I can’t,” Aaron said with desperation, shaking his head as he stared at the silent cabin. “I can’t handle this.”

“Well, you’re gonna have to. And I’ve seen you handle worse if I’m honest. So go on. Someone’s waiting in there for you.”

In the end, there was only one thing to do. He had to go in there and see for himself what he already knew. Once he decided, he sniffed back the tears that hadn’t fallen, and angrily wiped away those on his face with the back of his hand, marching towards the door, before shoving it open hard.

There he was, nervously pacing by a fireplace that was somehow still working. He looked the same if Aaron took away three years of exhaustion that seemed to have left dark circles under his eyes, faded some of the colour in them, made his features a little sharper. Still had time to coif his hair though. He said nothing. Neither did Aaron.

Aaron twisted around on his heel and marched right back out, only to see Cain driving away. Aaron gave chase, “Cain! _Cain!_ Come back here!”

“He’s gone, Aaron.” Aaron took a shuddering breath and turned to look at his dead husband standing there alive and well, pink in his cheeks, breath misting the cold air.

Robert took a step towards Aaron and Aaron stumbled back as if he’d been pushed. Aaron held up a hand to keep him at arm’s distance. His pointed at him, voice unsteady as he said, “Don’t. Don’t you talk to me, or say my name, or come anywhere near me, Robert, because I swear I’ll smash your face in.”

Robert swallowed, nodding. “Alright. I suppose I deserve that. Go on. Go for it.”

“You what?” Aaron said.

Robert shrugged. “Do it. I’d prefer a kiss but if a punch in the mouth is-”

Aaron shut him up with a punch to the mouth.

## *

He glared at Robert from the uncomfortable armchair he was sitting in. Robert was lying on the sunken sofa, his stupid long legs dangling over the arm rest, one hand holding a cold beer to the corner of his mouth. _Beer_, Aaron thought. _Oh, hi Aaron, I’m not dead, how about a cold one?_ Idiot.

“You don’t get to do this,” Aaron said, his voice low. “You don’t get to _die_, and then just come back.”

“I had no choice,” Robert said, his voice muffled. “It was this or spend my life in prison.”

“No one asked you to do that,” Aaron said, angry tears burning in his eyes. “We could have done this together. I could have come with you.”

“It was better this way, Aaron,” Robert said tiredly.

“There was a funeral,” Aaron said, voice cracking. “I had to watch them lower your coffin into the ground. I...I used to visit your grave.”

“I know,” Robert said quietly. “I saw.”

## *

Aaron didn’t need Cain’s car. He’d find his own way. So he kept on marching despite the heavy rain now turning the ground into mud. Behind him Robert, followed, reaching for him, “Aaron! Please!”

Aaron had thrown him to the ground, grappled with him, lifting his fist to hit again, Robert moving his arms up to block the impending blow. Aaron stilled, staring at him, sitting there straddling Robert's waist. Why did it always have to be so fucked up between them? He shoved Robert away, running from the cabin with Robert trailing after him.

Aaron whipped around, shoving Robert away. “Don’t. I _mean_ it.”

Robert closed his eyes and let out a huff of frustration, before holding up his hands. “Fine. Look, it’s going to be cold tonight, it’s raining, and daylight’s almost gone. You want to walk off, do it in the morning. Just...please come back for the night. Forget talking, I won’t...I won’t even look at ya.”

The rain was icy cold, sending shivers down Aaron’s spine. Sullenly, he gave a nod of agreement, and then walked back to the cabin, shoving past Robert on the way. He went straight for the fire, warming his hands, staring into the flickering flames. Behind him, Robert closed the door, muffling a slow roll of thunder. Aaron looked up at the ceiling of the cabin. He could hear the plink-plink of water leaking somewhere, but luckily it wasn’t in this little living room.

“You're soaked,” Robert said quietly.

Aaron glared at him before returning his gaze to the fire.

## *

Aaron awoke with a start, catching the tail end of a strike of thunder. In the absence of working electricity, the cabin was dimly lit with thick candles that seemed to have been half used already. Maybe the dead used this cabin regularly for their trips into the world of the living. Aaron blinked blearily, sitting up on the sofa from where he had been half lying down, feet still on the floor. His socks had dried, as well as the bottoms of his jeans. His jacket was on the back of a chair, and in its place a woolen blanket had been draped over him.

Aaron looked up to see Robert asleep in the armchair by the fireplace, using his coat as a blanket draped over him. His shoes were next to Aaron’s in front of the fireplace. The bruise around the corner of Robert’s mouth was livid, and in the flickering light of the candles he looked even more tired. Tired, but alive.

Aaron got up, his blanket falling to the floor. He went to stand over Robert and really look at him. He cried once because he thought the memory of Robert’s face and the feel of his touches would fade from his mind one day. He couldn’t stand the thought that even though Robert was supposedly dead, there were other ways he would continue to die and leave Aaron over and over.

A water droplet landed on Robert’s cheek and he flinched awake, deep scowl in place. His mouth fell open a little at seeing Aaron above him. Frowning, he touched his face, looking at the wetness that came away on his fingers. Then his hand was reaching up, his thumb pressing against Aaron’s cheek, wiping tears Aaron hadn’t even noticed were falling.

Aaron jerked back to move away from Robert, but Robert was up and out of the chair and now looming over Aaron. The shadows and dim light made Robert look different for a moment. For a moment it seemed they were in a garage, and Aaron thought he could smell grease and metal and oil, and just a hint of Robert’s expensive cologne. For a moment, he was eagerly awaiting Robert’s next move, and Robert was getting closer and closer-

Aaron sucked in a deep breath when Robert took Aaron’s face in his hands and pulled him into a kiss. All the anger and the hurt was diluted by the strength of his endless want for Robert. Nothing could ever compare to how much he wanted Robert. Through hate and love, his want for Robert made him feel a lot of highs and lows, but it never wavered. It was always there, an open flame burning and yearning to set something on fire.

## *

The rain had stopped, and the sky was lazily grumbling, the moon out and full and bright, adding a film of light over the burning candles. Aaron lay sleepily blinking, his face pressed against Robert’s bare chest. They were both on the sunken sofa, naked and intertwined under the woolen blanket.

There hadn’t been much finesse to their lovemaking, if it could be called that. Once they kissed, everything was a blur of greedy touch and taste. Clothes off, they both tumbled onto the couch, Robert lying under Aaron, stealing kisses, touching every inch of skin he could reach, Aaron slipping between his thighs, both of them slotting together like two pieces of the same puzzle. They rutted against each other, panting into each other’s mouths, murmuring nonsense into each other’s skin, coming almost at the same time, clutching onto each other as if one of them was suspended over a cliff edge, the other in fear of losing him.

The sound of their breathing filled the silence of the cabin until Robert said, “That was definitely better than a punch to the face.

Aaron let it go, enjoying the brief quiet in his head. He lay there as Robert leaned over him to grab the blanket from the floor, automatically rolling into Robert’s space once they were both under the blanket. Robert’s long arms wrapped around him, his chin resting on top of Aaron’s head. Their bodies should have made a click click click sound of two souls locking.

## *

“I missed you so much,” Robert whispered. “For a year, I was just...off my head. If I wasn’t crying, I was drinking, if I wasn’t drinking I was crying. And if I wasn’t doing one of those, I was doing both. A year and half passed and I realised maybe prison would have been better, because at least I’d get to talk to you, see your face. Then I finally started to come out of it. Make plans. Make money. New name. New home.”

_New bloke_, Aaron thought, watching the light flickering across Robert’s skin as the candle flames fought drowning in pools of melted wax. He swallowed. “New bloke?”

## *

It would be okay. He’d tried himself hadn’t he? There was Mark who lasted a full three months. Dark haired, stubbled jaw, driving around in some banger he’d inherited from his dad. He was everything Robert wasn’t. He wasn’t smug and self-satisfied. He didn’t lie. He didn’t let his obsessions take over the way Robert always did, forgetting himself and the people he cared about. Mark was...such a stark reminder that Robert was gone.

“You’re not over him,” Mark had whispered to him, crouched down low in front of Aaron, his hand cupping Aaron’s face, offering more kindness than Aaron thought he deserved. “You need to...I dunno, take care of yourself. Get into a better place. Who knows, maybe we could pick up where we leave off.”

“Sorry,” Aaron had offered brokenly.

Mark sighed. “Aaron. You don’t owe me an apology. You’re a nice bloke. I just want you to be happy. If you can be happy with me, that would be great. If not...well, that’s life. It’s okay.”

Aaron told Chas and Paddy and Paddy had stood there dumbfounded. “Bloody hell. I’ll have him if you’re not interested.”

Chas scowled in his direction. “Yeah, well, letting someone go when you’re _not_ in love is hardly a sacrifice, is it?”

She looked at Aaron, and he didn’t miss a dark flash of sadness in her eyes. She’d hated Robert once. Maybe she still did, but somehow it had become jumbled up with loving him a little too. Aaron could see it. She remembered Robert letting Aaron go, bruised and in pain, hospitalised on Christmas. Robert couldn’t do anything by halves, including when he hurt himself.

## *

“I couldn’t even bear the thought of someone touching me,” Robert said quietly. “I just...I wanted to lash out. Hurt someone.”

“Yeah, it’s good you’re growing as a person,” Aaron said dryly.

Robert huffed, pulling back and leaning on an elbow. Aaron rolled onto his back as much as he could on the terrible sofa. Robert’s eyes were locked on him, filled with the flickers of candlelight. He didn’t seem real. Maybe he wasn’t. Aaron had dreamed Robert back into his life so many times, only to lose him all over again on waking.

“I didn’t want any other bloke,” Robert said thoughtfully. “I’d see a woman, flirt, drink and laugh. Then we’d kiss and...”

Aaron tilted his head Robert, frowning, prodding him with a soft, “What?”

“Nothing,” Robert said, his gaze lost and vacant. His mouth morphed into a shaky grimace. “It was like I couldn’t even feel anything anymore.”

Aaron shuffled up the sofa a little, pushing himself up on one elbow to bring him closer to Robert so he could press a kiss to that unhappy mouth. Robert turned his face into it, his hand coming up warm on the side of Aaron’s face. When they pulled apart, Aaron offered him a small smile.

“So,” he said quietly. “What is it then? The new name?”

“Jacob,” Robert said with a nod. “Jacob Connelly.”

Aaron pulled a face. “Not exactly a huge jump is it?”

Robert shrugged, glancing down at the wedding ring on his finger. “Lost enough already. Needed to keep something that felt real.”

Aaron peered down at his own chest, where amongst his scars was one made of precious metal, his wedding ring hanging from a chain, always next to his heart, and out of sight of everyone who had told him to move on. Robert had come to an abrupt stop when he stripped Aaron’s shirt from him, his eyes shining at the sight of the ring. He’d opened his mouth to say something, but Aaron had shook his head, warning him with a shaky, “Don’t,” before kissing him hard and pulling him close.

Robert reached out for the ring dangling on the chain, taking it between his fingers. Aaron felt a surge of panic at the gentle tug on his chain which probably meant nothing, but made his hand come up tight around Robert’s fingers anyway. Robert lifted his gaze to Aaron, and just like that, as ever, the air between them seemed to catch fire, consuming them both, turning them into a single thing formed of two bodies.

## *

“I want you to come to France,” Robert said next morning, both of them sitting on the steps of the cabin. The rain had stopped and the sky was a happy bright blue, having unleashed all its burdens. “I know it’s a lot to ask, and I don’t expect you to say yes. But...I’ll be there, waiting for you.”

Aaron nodded, looking down at the ground, focusing on naked dirt between patches of green grass. “That easy is it?”

“It’s not easy at all,” Robert said, as if he was in fact talking about the easiest thing in the world. “I’m asking you to give up your family, your business, everything. In exchange, all you get is me.”

Aaron turned to look at Robert, to really look. Even when he was full of bluster he’d never really thought much of himself, and now here he sat, bluster stripped away, supposedly offering Aaron nothing.

“When did I ever want more than that?” Aaron said shakily, his emotions a jumble of anger and grief. “When did I _ever_ ask for more than _you_, Robert? Losing you...you have no idea what it did to me.”

Robert’s mouth turned down, tears glistening in his eyes, the shape of crescent moons. He shook his head. “Still didn’t stop me from messing up, did it? Maybe...maybe if I’d stayed away from Emmerdale like my dad asked, we’d all have been better off.”

“No,” Aaron said. Robert’s jaw clenched, his gaze locked ahead of him. Aaron grabbed his arm and shook it, forcing a single evasive glance in his direction. “_No_. _I_ wouldn’t have been. Robert...you _changed_ my life. You made me want all those things I thought I wasn’t supposed to have. Things I was too ashamed to want. A married life. A home with the man I was in love with, a family. I wanted those things with you so bad it hurt. I _love_ you.”

Robert looked at him, that clenched look replaced by something peaceful. He nodded. “I love _you_.”

They leaned into each other at the same time, like two cogs linked and pulled by an invisible string. It was a soft kiss surrounded by the woodland quiet and Aaron felt a calm filter through him the kind of which he hadn’t felt in years. He brought his hand up to touch Robert’s face, his palm reacquainting itself with the angles and curves there. When they heard the sound of Cain’s car approaching, they pulled apart slowly and reluctantly.

Aaron stood up with a sigh, looking down at Robert who was gazing at him with a small bemused smile. Aaron held his hand out, which Robert took in his, not letting go once he was on his feet. Cain got of the car, earning not a single look from either Robert or Aaron.

Cain broke the silence. “So, you didn’t kill him then. Not that it would matter. He’d just come back again, wouldn’t he?”

Aaron turned his head and blinked at Cain who looked incredibly pleased with his joke. Aaron nodded. “Yeah, don’t give up you day job, will ya?”

Cain held up his hands. “Alright alright. I’ll uh, I’ll wait in the car, shall I? Just let me know if you want to go back the way you came here and I’ll open up the boot.”

Aaron gave him an exasperated look which made Cain full on grin as he went got back in the car. Aaron aimed that same look at Robert who was grinning. “Actually, I don’t remember telling him to put you in the boot. All I asked was for him to get you here.” “Yeah, well, you know our Cain,” Aaron said. He looked down at his hand around Robert’s and squeezed before looking back up at Robert. “You going back then?”

Robert nodded. “Yeah. Today.”

“Right,” Aaron said, keeping his mask in place for about a second, before he felt renewed grief ripple across his face. Robert whispered his name. Aaron shook his head, grimacing against feelings of loss that just never seemed to let up. He went gratefully when Robert pulled him into a hug, his fingers scrabbling to grip the fabric of Robert’s coat, to keep him close, keep him from leaving.

“You better go,” Robert whispered. Aaron shook his head. “Aaron. I can’t stay here.”

Aaron took a deep breath, schooling his expression and pulling back. He nodded at Robert, swallowing the painful tightness in his throat. His voice sounded strained and broken to his own ears as he said, “Right. I...I better go then.”

Robert replied with a jerky nod. He was fighting to keep his emotions in check too, even though he’d clearly forgotten that Aaron could always read him. There wasn’t much to hide when his chin dented, his mouth turned down, the crinkling of his forehead, the way his eyes paled and lost their light.

Aaron took a step and Robert seemed to let out a little gasp, turning it to, “Look after yourself, yeah?”

Aaron nodded. “Yeah. You too. No more crying and drinking.”

Robert let out a laugh, though it somehow made him seem sadder. He nodded to Aaron. “Bye then. Mr. Sugden.”

Aaron smiled, possibly from memory though, because the rest of him couldn’t feel it the way you could feel a smile. “Bye, Mr. Dingle.”

He turned around and walked to the car with lumpen feet and jelly legs, his skin flaring up in memories of Robert’s mouth kissing and tasting his skin. As soon as he sat down in the passenger seat of Cain’s car, his body seemed to lose its last bit of energy. His eyes flicked to the mirror above him and in it he could see Robert standing there unmoving, his eyes on the car. Aaron couldn’t keep his eyes of him. Robert had stood just like this in Aaron’s dreams too. In view, but out of touch.

Aaron opened the door. Cain calling out after him. “Oi! What’s the matter?”

Robert wasn’t far away at all, but Aaron sprinted to him, launching himself at Robert bodily, holding him tight and kissing him hard. Robert’s arms closed as tight as a vice around him, pulling him in and forcing Aaron’s heels to leave the ground. When their mouths pulled apart, Aaron held onto the lapels of Robert’s coat, gripping them tight.

“I’ll be seeing ya,” Aaron said roughly.

Robert nodded, his smile a little sharper. “Yeah? That right?”

“Yeah,” Aaron said firmly. He pressed a short firm kiss to Robert’s mouth and stepped back, basking in the smile on Robert’s face. “That’s right.”

He didn’t turn his back on Robert, backing away towards the car and keeping him in his sight, until the silliness of what he was doing made them both grin. He was smiling even as he sat in the car,

Cain giving him a curious look. “Alright?”

Aaron nodded. “Yeah.”

Cain started the engine, driving away from the cabin, Aaron keeping Robert in his sights until it was no longer possible. It didn’t matter though. He knew that the further he got from the cabin, the closer he got to being with Robert again.


	3. Smart Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron has good advice.

_Stop being angry, and start being smart._

Aaron’s instruction had been ringing in Robert’s head like a bell. It had switched something on in his mind. God he’d been acting ordinary. He wanted to kill Lee, smash his pathetic face in. He wanted the police, who couldn’t catch a cold if they tried, to get his sister justice. It was all so pedestrian. The time was ripe for something bigger. Something a little more refined than boring old impotent rage. His sister was in pain, in crisis, and the best he could do was take her to France? No. He could do better.

## *

While Vic was off getting a coffee, Robert stood minding their bags. The train wasn’t going to leave for a bit yet, so there was time to set things in motion. He took out a small phone from his pocket. It was cheap and paid for in cash. No contract. No trace. He dialled a number he knew from heart, which was also presumably going to a similar kind of phone.

“Hi,” he said when the recipient of the call answered. There was quiet for a moment. “Remember me?”

There was a quiet snort. “I remember you. What’s the job?”

“Got a thorn in my side,” Robert said. “Want him gone.”

“Cost ya.”

“I know. I’m off to France though. I need it to happen while I’m gone. Can’t pay you till I get back.”

A long considering pause followed. “It’ll cost you a little extra then.”

“You know I’m good for it,” Robert said.

“I’ll be in touch. Pleasure doing business with you.”

“Bet you say that to everyone,” Robert said, hearing a huff of laughter before he ended the call. He pocketed the phone, spotting Vic holding two cups of coffee, a little smile on her face. He smiled back, taking one cup, and stretching out his arm to curl around her shoulders.

## *

France was of course depressing. Lee might have been across The Channel, but for Vic he was right there in her mind, tormenting her. Robert would catch her staring off into space, hiding in an oversized hoodie. His heart tripped in his chest when he saw her fingers curled inside the long sleeves. Lee was in there, eating away at her inside her head. All he could think of was Aaron on the brink of death, poisoned not by his cutting, but by what Gordon had done to him. Lee should have been getting charged, he should have been on his way to prison. He should have been inside his little cell thinking of ways to kill himself, regretting ever having touched Vic.

“Stop it,” Vic said once, catching him off guard. She looked bored, wearing a welcome old expression. “You’re doing it again.”

“What?” Robert asked.

“Looking murderous,” she said with an arch of the brow before reaching for her book.

Robert made a face. “I’m just chilling over here.”

“I know you, Robert,” she said. “You’re never _just_ chilling.”

He looked offended, but only because he’d couldn’t really argue the point. She pretty much had him over a barrel there.

## *

It was a few days before their planned return that Robert’s phone chirped it’s distinct chirp telling him the call was about Lee. He answered and waited in silence, hearing a calm voice tell him. “It’s done. There’s just one problem.”

Robert’s whole body clenched, all the way to his jaw as he took a deep calming breath. “What?”

“He’s not dead. On the up side, he might never wake up. Just the world we live in I suppose. Bloke goes out for a drink, gets mugged on the way back, his whole life changes in a second.”

Robert blinked, feeling a terrifying calm cascade down his body, all the way to the tips of his toes. He let out a small huff, a smile of satisfaction tugging at the corners of his mouth. He nodded. “Yeah. Tragic. No witnesses, yeah?”

“You’re not dealing with an amateur.”

Robert nodded, that smile winning out. “I’ll be back in a few days. I’ll give you a call to arrange payment.”

“Wednesday. Eight. I’ll be waiting.”

“Yeah. Alright. Bye.”

Robert switched the phone off entirely, looking at it in his hand. To think he’d been so angry he could have gone after Lee himself. That was the problem with anger. It made you stupid. It was the problem with emotions altogether, wasn’t it? Making you soft. But who said there wasn’t space for both, to be smart and be stupid. He reached into his pocket for his proper phone, thumbing through the screens until he had what he wanted.

“Alright?” Aaron answered, sounding sleepy.

“Yeah,” Robert said with a big grin at the sound of Aaron’s voice. He sat down and sprawled back on the couch. “Not still sleeping are ya?”

Aaron sighed. “Couldn’t sleep last night. Then I couldn’t wake up this morning.”

“Bed too big, is it?” Aaron laughed, muttering a gentle and quiet ‘shut up’. “I miss you.”

“Yeah. Me too,” Aaron said. “Glad you’ll be back soon. How’s Vic doing?”

“Not great,” Robert said. “But...I’m gonna do my best to help her through it.”

“’Course you are,” Aaron said, if Robert needed convincing. “We all are. She’s not alone in this, Robert. Neither are you.”

“I know,” Robert said. “I got you, haven’t I?”

Aaron was quiet for a while and though Robert couldn’t see him, he thought he could feel Aaron’s smile, feel the look on his face. And wasn’t that just so stupid? “You know you do.”

Robert smiled, leaning back against the cushions. He glanced around the room and then very discreetly asked, “So. What you wearing?”

“Oh my god,” Aaron muttered so quietly Robert almost didn’t hear it. “Uh, did you want to talk Liv. She’s right here.”

Robert grinned wide. He could imagine Aaron’s pinked cheeks. “Yeah. Go on, put her on. I can call you back later to finish our conversation.”

“I won’t be answering,” Aaron said, his voice sounding muffled before Robert heard Liv’s bright, “You alright?”

“Yeah, I’m good,” Robert said with a smile. “What you up to?”

Liv sounded hesitant about her ‘nothing much’, but no doubt Robert would find out what that was about sooner or later. All that mattered was that for the time being everyone seemed as okay as they could be wherever they were.

## *

It wasn’t a surprise that Vic found it hard to stay at her place. Robert didn’t want her there on her own either. She needed looking after and there was plenty of space at The Mill. Not that she’d have to worry about Lee from the sound of things. Aaron was waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs after he’d taken Vic’s things to her temporary room, leaving to have a nap.

Aaron had an on edge look about him, immediately putting Robert on guard. “What?”

“It’s about Lee,” Aaron said quietly, moving into the kitchen, Robert following. Robert frowned at him. “I didn’t want to bring it up in front of Vic, but while you were both in France, looks like he got himself into a bit of trouble.”

Robert shrugged. “What sort of trouble?”

“He was mugged after a night out. Hit his head on the pavement,” Aaron said. He was watching Robert closely, waiting.

Robert shook his head. “Gotta admit, I’m disappointed you didn’t start this story with, _Robert guess who died_.”

Aaron went all thin-lipped and serious. “He’s in a coma, and it’s not looking good.”

“Well, I suppose that’s something,” Robert said, turning towards the kettle. Aaron grabbed his arm, pulling him back. Robert frowned at him, “What?”

Aaron didn’t look angry, but there was something frightening about the fearful look in his eyes. It was the kind of look that made Robert show his hand, all cards on the table. Only, he couldn’t do it this time. What was done was done. He wasn’t going to lose Aaron over it.

Robert stepped closer to Aaron, putting a hand on his arm. “Hey. What is it?”

Aaron frowned, looking deep into his eyes. Then he shook his head and said, “Nothing. We just need to be there for Vic. Lee’s not our problem anymore.”

“No. But if he wakes up, he’ll probably be the problem of the next woman he rapes,” Robert said. “Can’t say I’m not tempted to smother him while he’s laid up.”

Aaron was glaring him. “That’s not funny, Robert. Don’t even think about rocking up at the hospital.”

Robert sighed, reaching for Aaron’s wrist and pulling him close, trapping him between himself and the kitchen counter and then closing the space between them, his hands resting on Aaron’s hips. “Whatever you want. Okay?”

Aaron frowned again, and there was a definite sparkle of worry there, tempered by confusion. “I know how hard this must be for you, wanting to protect your sister, but...”

“_Aaron_,” Robert said. “I get it. I can’t let my emotions get the better of me. You don’t have to worry, okay? I’m not going to do a Cain here.”

And there it was, the lines of worry smoothing out instantly, leaving Aaron looking relieved. He nodded, smiling a little, before he leaned in and hugged Robert tight.

## *

Now that he had uttered the word _smother_ Robert couldn’t help but ponder the appeal of walking into that hospital and snuffing out the remnants of life inside Lee Posner. It followed him to sleep, and then followed him right out of bed too. Even as he sat spooning his porridge, it floated before him full of temptation.

“I know that look,” Aaron said, placing a cup of tea in front of him.

Robert frowned at him. “What look?”

“_That_ look on your face, the one that says you’re planning something stupid,” Aaron said, scowling as he took a sip of his tea. “Whatever it is, _don’t.”_

“Yeah, alright, Grandpa,” Robert said, shooting an irritated scowl in Aaron’s direction. Aaron shook his head and walked off, stopping by the stairs when Vic appeared, phone in hand and paled complexion. Robert got up from his chair immediately and went to her, Aaron already hovering close. “Vic. What’s wrong? You okay?”

Vic blinked at him, looking dazed. “It’s um, it’s Lee. Last night he...well, he didn’t make it.”

Aaron’s glanced from Vic to Robert, his eyes looking impossibly blue. Robert thought he felt a surge of something to the head, leaving him off-kilter, but he covered it up by going towards Vic, holding her, and holding onto her.

“We don’t need to think about it,” Robert whispered to her. “It’s alright. It’s okay.”

## *

Robert handed over the envelope stuffed with notes, him and his business partner staying in the shadows, the village dark under the veil of night.

“Count it if you like,” Robert said. “It’s all there.”

“I trust you.” Robert watched the envelope being pocketed before his acquaintance walked off into the night. Robert would get rid of his phone in the morning. Tonight, whether anyone wanted it or not, he was going to celebrate with a pint or two.

“Well, goes to show really, what goes around comes around,” Chas said, as Robert propped himself up against the bar, Aaron already hunched over with a pint. “Pint, love?”

“Uh, yeah, thanks,” Robert said. “What’s this then? Who’s coming around?”

“We were just talking about that Lee,” Paddy said from the end of the bar, looking grave.

“Yeah well, don’t go feeling sorry for him. Who knows how many women went through the same thing as Vic?” Robert said.

Aaron gave him a sideways look, placing his pint before him after a careful sip. “Where you been then?”

“Got held up with some paperwork. All sorted now,” Robert said, reaching for his pint. Aaron did that thing where he tilted his chin up into a nod that never came back down, before he just turned his head, keeping private thoughts to himself. Robert let out a laugh. “What?”

“Nothing,” Aaron said with a shrug. “Just...forget it.”

Robert looked across the bar and sure enough Paddy and Chas had their eyes on Robert and Aaron. Robert allowed himself a discreet inward sigh, before putting his hand on Aaron’s back. “Come on. Let’s have a little chat in the back.”

“Robert, no,” Aaron said with irritation falling across his face like a veil.

“Aaron,” Robert stressed. “Please.”

Begrudgingly Aaron slipped off the bar stool and walked around the bar and into the back, Robert following behind with both their pints in his hand. Aaron was waiting in the middle of the living room, ready to leave as soon as possible, looking a little aggravated that Robert had brought their drinks. Robert set the glasses down on the coffee table, taking his time to straighten up and stand before Aaron.

“Alright. Go on. What’s on your mind?” Robert said, his voice low and soft - any hint of a command or authority and Aaron would be out of here. Aaron’s brow crinkled, lips clamping tightly, and eyes shifting with worry. Robert reached for his hand, holding it in his. “You know you can tell me anything.”

Aaron shook his head. “How are you walking around like nothing’s happened? The bloke who raped Vic just conveniently dropped dead, Robert.”

Robert nodded, pausing as if to think. “Right. The bloke who raped my sister, is _dead_. I’m walking around like nothing’s happened because _he _was _nothing_. I’m glad he’s dead and I wish I could have been the one to punch the life out of him for what he did to Vic.”

“Right,” Aaron said. “Only, you’ve been like this since you got back from France. Like you haven’t got a care in the world. That’s not how you left.”

Robert stepped towards Aaron, eating up the space between them, his voice low as he said, “What do you want from me, Aaron? What are you really asking me here? Whatever it is, just say it.”

His heart thumped in his chest. If Aaron asked him whether he was behind Lee’s death, what was he supposed to do? Aaron and lies didn’t work well. But what would the truth do? He’d paid a man to kill someone. This wasn’t Katie. He felt no regret here. Lee was nothing weighed up against Vic, _nothing. _

Robert was still waiting, gaze locked on Aaron. Quietly, he told Aaron, “I just want my sister to get on with her life, Aaron. He’s taken so much from her.”

Something flickered in Aaron’s eyes, pain he tried to keep private, but easily read by Robert all the same. He swiped at the corner of his eye with the end of his sleeve, nodding. “I know. I just...I suppose my head’s not been in the right place either.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not surprised,” Robert said, reaching up to cup Aaron’s face. He drew Aaron into a chaste kiss, before wrapping his arms around his husband. “But, like you said, we need to be smart, not angry. That was good advice you gave me.”

Aaron relaxed against him and Robert kept him close with no intention of letting him go for something as problematic as the truth.


	4. Lucky Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron has good timing.

Robert stared at Lee. He had pretty much confessed to what he’d done, and he was throwing it in Robert’s face now, the rape and the pregnancy. It didn’t matter to this scumbag a bit what he’d done to Vic. He was walking away with a pocket full of cash, with the upper hand, with _everything_. Robert shook his head, fury raising its ugly head. _Not fair,_ the words flared loud in his mind, electric red.

_Enough_, Robert thought, _enough_.

He stepped out of the house, following Lee, his feet speeding up to reach for him. Only someone grabbed him hard from the side, right around his middle, tight around his ribs, and pushed him off the path. Lee kept on walking unaware, untouched by the consequences of his actions. Robert turned to see Aaron who was clutching at him, breathing hard, looking angry.

“Right,” Aaron said, shakily. “Get inside, and then tell me what he’s doing here, and what you think you were gonna do right now.”

Robert shook his head, glaring at Lee getting in his car and driving off with a grin on his face. “You don’t understand-”

“Inside, Robert, _now_.”

##  *****

Robert and Vic sat side by side as Aaron stood before them with an aghast look on his face, hands on his hips. He closed his eyes and shook his head, waving a hand. “Are you both mad? Vic, him I get-”

“Hey,” Robert objected.

“But you? In what world does it make sense to pay that...that _scum_ off?” Aaron asked.

Vic shook her head, tearful. “You don’t get it, Aaron. He’ll never leave me or the baby alone. Not unless I give him what he wants. Then maybe…maybe he can go to Australia and I can finally restart my life.”

“Right,” Aaron said, his expression clenched. “Because that’s what he deserves, for you to give him anything he wants.”

“Aaron,” Robert said quietly, seeing the look on Vic’s face.

“He is. A rapist,” Aaron said. “He doesn’t deserve a pay off. Or a second chance in Australia.”

Vic looked numb, her gaze turning to her unmoving hands in her lap. “I know what he is, Aaron. I know what he deserves.”

“Vic,” Aaron said softly. “I know this is hard. But we’re only making things worse right now. You wanted to move on, and you should. Because you deserve it. To be happy somewhere with your baby.”

“And if he finds me and the baby?” Vic asked.

“You move again. As many times as it takes for him to get bored, because trust me, he’s not interested in that baby. He just wants to make your life a misery. But whether he’s prepared to spend his whole life chasing you is a whole different matter.”

“And the money he’s already taken?” Robert asked with an offended scowl.

“It’s gone,” Aaron snapped at him, which Robert interpreted as, _you are not going after that money_. “This is it now. It’s done. Every time you let him rile you up, he’s getting in your heads and he’s winning. You can’t let him do that because, I swear, it will destroy you.”

Vic got up, looking miserable as she shook her head. “I just wish it could all stop.”

Aaron nodded. “I know.”

Robert sighed. “Aaron’s right. We’re just giving him more rope to hang ourselves with. It’s my fault, I started all this. Should’ve just listened to you.”

Vic looked up at him, pulling on his sleeve. “You’re my big brother. I know you were just looking out for me.”

“Yeah. Look where that’s got us,” Robert said. Taking a deep breath he told her, “Look, we’re gonna sort this out, and by this, I mean you. Not him. We’re gonna see you right, Vic. I promise.”

Vic smiled, looking like she for once had faith in him. She stepped towards him and put her arms around his waist. Robert looked at Aaron who still had tell-tale signs of worry twitching across his face. He gave him a nod, promising it would be alright.

## *

Robert awoke feeling strangely adrift next morning, a killer headache on just one side of his head, reaching all the way down into his right eye. He sat up with a groan, rubbing at his temple. Aaron stirred next to him until he was blearily blinking up at Robert.

“You alright?”

“Really bad headache,” Robert murmured, feeling a slow creep of nausea.

“Good,” Aaron said, closing his eyes. Robert scowled down at him as he muttered, “What you get for acting like a muppet.”

“Thanks a lot,” Robert said grumpily getting out of bed.

Unfortunately, he was dressed in trackies and t-shirt, as opposed to being completely naked after a wild night of ‘I promise not to mess up again’ sex. Only Vic had stayed the night and she and Aaron had spent most of it chattering away until 3am in the morning when Robert awoke to find himself twisted pretzel-like in the corner of the sofa, his neck screaming in agony.

“What time is it?” he had asked with annoyance.

“Three,” Aaron answered, sounding amused. “Told you to go to bed.”

“Three? What is wrong with you two?” Robert said, peeling himself off the couch and making his way to the stairs, every part of him groaning. He scowled in Vic and Aaron’s general direction, telling them, “Going to bed. Keep it down.”

“Such an old git sometimes,” Aaron muttered, making Vic laugh.

“I heard that,” Robert snapped, from up the stairs. He had gotten dressed for bed quick before falling into a disgruntled heap. He thought he registered a light touch to his shoulder soon after, which could have been Aaron or just Robert’s wishful thinking.

Robert carefully made his way down the spiral staircase, which he was still having to defend daily, whilst also trying to find a way to make it have to go since out of him, Aaron and Liv, he was the one who had narrowly avoided braining himself the most times.

Robert popped a few painkillers and drank down some water, feeling a little better after neither water nor pills had tried to come back up. He didn’t bother going back to bed, lying down on the sofa instead.

Lee was still on his mind, but in a strange and watery way, like ripples fading on the surface of a pond. Yesterday seemed lifetimes ago, as if that moment of rage he had felt for Lee had spent decades, decaying away. Robert couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so angry. No wonder his head was pounding. He closed his eyes, not wanting to think of it for now. Aaron had been right. They had to force themselves into something positive. For Vic that was a new start, and for him and Aaron, it had to be the surrogacy.

He fell asleep thoughts of Vic and Aaron on his mind, his dreams a grey mix of oddities that ended with finding Aaron bleeding, only when he held Aaron in his arms, it was Vic who had slashed herself to shreds, and then she was gone and Lee was lying on the ground, dead to the world, Robert standing over him looking through a red haze of anger. It felt so real. He could feel it in his hands, the impact of killing that bastard reverberating through his bones.

Robert woke up with a gasp, blinking hard, his eyeballs feeling gritty and tired. He was rushing towards the door, flinging it open, and then the front door, hurrying outside onto the lawn. Robert stumbled forward until he was standing there leaning against his car. He frowned. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting to see, but whatever it was, wasn’t there. He shook his head, so sure that up ahead there was supposed to be something there.

“Rob?” Robert flinched at the sound of Aaron’s voice, turning to look at him. Aaron was looking him up down, looking a little dumbstruck. Robert glanced down to find his feet bare on the gravel, his brain finally receiving messages of discomfort from their soles. Aaron gave him a worried look. “You alright?”

Robert closed his eyes, pinching the bridge if his nose and sighing. “Just my head. S’all over the place.”

“Well, get back inside,” Aaron said, so soft, so affectionate, Robert felt a sudden and overwhelming rush of emotion flood his chest.

He looked at Aaron standing there trying to be so strong, trying so hard to keep it together, only to have Robert shoving him back and back towards a ledge neither of them could even see. Robert stepped forward and hugged him, burying his face against Aaron’s shoulder. Aaron held him, indulged him, and then dragged him back up to bed, where he shoved him down and then sat down next to him, his hand stroking down Robert’s arm.

“What’s going on with ya?” Aaron asked.

Robert swallowed, his gaze shifting away from Aaron. “I was so angry yesterday. If you hadn’t been there...I don’t know what I would have done.”

Aaron was quiet. After a moment he nodded and said. “So...am I going to have to keep an eye on you 24/7 then? Because if that’s what it takes to stop you from doing something you’ll regret, then...well there are plenty of Dingles if I need to call in a favour.”

Robert grinned and for a second his head didn’t feel like it was going to split open. He grabbed a hold of Aaron’s wrist, murmuring, “Come here.”

“Thought you had a headache,” Aaron said, lifting his chin and grinning, his arm going taut and resisting Robert trying to pull him close.

“They say orgasms are good for headaches. Natural painkillers,” Robert said with a shrug. Aaron turned his nose up at the idea, but he was grinning all the same, and then he was leaning in close, and finally they were kissing, Robert smiling triumphantly against Aaron’s mouth.

Robert still didn’t want Vic to leave and he also wished he could cave Lee’s skull in and just end him. But...Aaron was right. Bad things happened. There was only so much Robert could control, and primarily that was himself. He had to think about Vic, what she wanted, not about what he thought she needed. And he had to think about Aaron, who for all his strong act seemed as if it might take a single touch for all the cracks to give up their clinging to wholeness and for him to fall apart.

Robert wrapped his arms around Aaron, rolling them both until Aaron was on his back, looking up at Robert with a bemused expression. Robert smiled at him. “I’ve been thinking.”

“Dangerous that,” Aaron said. “Especially when you do it.”

“About the surrogacy. I think we need to push on with it,” he said. Aaron frowned, opening his mouth to question. Robert cut him off with a shake of the head. “I know things aren’t exactly great right now, but maybe in nine months they will be, so why wait? Vic’s baby will have a cousin around the same age, if we’re lucky, Seb will have a little brother or sister. We’ll have a baby of our own.”

Robert knew the second Aaron was going to say yes, because his eyes were bright with joy and a small grin had spread to something wide and elated. Nodding, Aaron said, “Alright.”

Robert grinned. They were happy in this moment, and for the moment it was enough.


End file.
